Passing.

[jlh]

My maternal grandmother died Friday night.

The thing is, she was just shy of her 93rd birthday, and she'd outlived two husbands (three if you count my mother's father, whom she divorced but who died some seven or eight years ago). And well, she wasn't very nice. She called me the "n word" on a few occasions when I was a child but was mostly just plain mean and cold to me, she boarded out my mother and my uncle when they were children so she could go out and party, she sold my mother's inheritance because she wanted a new car (so she and my mother haven't really spoken much since 1988), she cheated on my grandfather with the man who was driving him to dialysis three times a week and sat on his lap and such at the open house following Grampy's memorial service. I haven't spoken to her in about five or six years at least.

So, I'm feeling sort of, oddly nothing. Which is really weird. Weirder than even being angry or something.

Meanwhile, I think my cat has an aggression problem. She's started attacking my hands while I type which is highly inconvenient. So when I randomly stop chatting for a bit, that's what's going on. I've started zapping her with the spray bottle after she really clawed me up last night, but we just get into standoffs. Right now she's shut up in the bathroom (with her food and water and a toy) because I just needed a little peace from all the attacking. Like, I can't be attacked every every second, it's too stressful. And yes, I played with her for a good half hour to tire her out, but she's still jumping me. So I'm making an appt with a vet tomorrow morning.

Comments

[eibbil-libbie.livejournal.com]

I can sooooo relate to what you're feeling...or not feeling. I had the same reaction when my father's parents died (within a month of each other). I never cared for either of them as they were so wrapped up in their drinking to notice us much...and grandfather was beyond cruel to everyone. Case in point: when I was five, I remember him tickling me until I wet my pants. Then called my mother from the back of the house. She got very upset that I'd had an accident, but he just sat in his chair chuckling and didn't tell her that he'd caused it. To this day, I am not ticklish at all.

*hugs to you...and don't feel bad if there's nothing in you that needs to grieve. We do that for those that were deserving in life.

Libbie

[sisterpandora.livejournal.com]

*hugs* (for good measure)

I know what that's like. (on both counts) It's a strange place to be, at least it was for me.

[aome.livejournal.com]

Sounds a lot like when my brother died - a negative influence, and also someone you didn't interact with much in the last few years, and yet ... you sort of feel as if you should feel something when they die. Or not. Well, *hugs* to you for whatever you do or don't feel.

[nmalfoy.livejournal.com]

When I think about my father, I feel... nothing. And why should you feel something for your grandmother? She doesn't sound like anyone who would inspire loving feelings.

Sounds like your cat needs something to take all that aggression out on. Would you consider getting her a companion? Two are easier than one.

[jlh.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

I would, but I don't think that's the problem. Her pupils are almost fully dialated like, all night long, which doesn't sound normal to me at all. Also, she spent a short time before coming here with Val, who has cats, and she was pretty aggressive to Val during that time as well. If you're around, ping, I was wishing I could ask you about this, though I will be calling the vet first thing.

[praetorianguard.livejournal.com]

Yeah, when I think about my father I feel nothing, too. My parents' divorce wasn't hard on me at all. But people are almost always surprised that I'm not harboring some secret morass of anger and angst over it.

But, really, he was a dick and I don't like him.

It sounds like you are doing okay, Clio, but *hugs* anyway.

[debellatrix.livejournal.com]

Sweetie, you feel what you feel. Don't worry about it. One of the great things about life today, is that we are defining our own families and they don't *have* to include blood relations. I realize this may sound flippant and I don't mean it to be, I guess I just want to say that your reaction is perfectly valid. However, I am very sad that she was rather mean to you.

[pinkfinity.livejournal.com]

Weird question to ask: are you still on for this week in SoBe?

[jlh.livejournal.com]

Absolutely. Schedule is still the same, I'll be getting in around 3ish on Tuesday afternoon, have gala at 7 that night and am up for brekkie on Wednesday before my flight at 1. When are you home, again?

[kitsune13.livejournal.com]

What everyone else said. *hugs*

[ex-lunasparr180.livejournal.com]

I'm mainly sorry she was such an indifferent influence in your life. I don't understand such carelessness.

[evil-erato.livejournal.com]

*points up*

What she said. *hugs*

[miafitz.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I think in this case it's better to feel nothing than to feel an extreme emotion. From the sounds of it she doesn't deserve that much from you. But then again, what do I know? :) *hugs again*

I hope you're doing fine, and cat ordeal seems nasty.

Mia

[dejaspirit.livejournal.com]

I would say that I'm sorry about your Grandmother, but mostly I'm sorry she never got to know what a wonderful granddaughter she had.

And Elise won't let me on the computer either. It's why I rarely chat. She does things like make high pitched squeals and pee in the middle of the carpet.

*hugs anyway*

[heart-of-wine.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear about your grandmother's passing. *hugs*

[tartpants.livejournal.com]

Wah, I'm sorry I missed this earlier but I am still catching up with what I missed of T-day break. I am sorry about both grandmother and kitty, and I don't think the blankness is weird at all but quite normal. Take care, kitkat. :-*