For the record

[jlh]

. . . this is what I said to pottersginny.

I'll admit it: I found what she said to be personally hurtful and upsetting, since I'm, as she said, a "zebra", a half-breed, a Tragic Mulatto, a biracial girl.

(Mulatto, by the way, is a not-very-nice word that comes from the same root as "mule" and was used as a distinguisher during the time of slavery, like Octoroon or Quadroon. The term "tragic Mulatto" comes from literary and film works (like Imitation of Life) where the mixed race girl is welcome in neither white nor black society. When I was 11, in 1980, my family got the extended Census form, and I remember my mother pointing at the race column where it said, "mulatto" and saying, "That's you." I thought it was sort of an ugly word. I've been sarcastically reclaiming my status as a Tragic Mulatto ever since.)

I attempted to respond to her in a somewhat sarcastic yet reasonable way because I didn't want her to know how much she had upset me; I didn't want to give her that much power.

What I wanted to say, of course, was "You horrible racist fucking cunt." But, I didn't.

I see that a lot of you are not happy with the way that some of us who felt personally attacked have chosen to defend ourselves. I would say that some of the remarks come from the same place: not wanting to show her how much she has hurt us.

Because, what she's actually doing is not saying that who I sleep with is wrong, that some part of me is wrong or inferior to her, or that I'm going to hell. She is saying that I should not exist. How do you react to that? How do you reply to that? How do you keep your head in the face of that? It is nice to think that we would all remain "above this" and stay calm and remember that she's wrong and stupid. But when someone comes along and reminds you of all the things you've heard in little whispers since you were old enough to hear little whispers, you don't always remember that.

I don't think I would ever feel that I had the right to criticize the manner in which, say, ivyblossom or queerasjohn defended themselves. I might not like it, but I would likely not post about it. I'm really, really insulted that so many of you are like, "Oh, Clio, be better than that--why say such things?" Because I'm not always better than that. And sometimes, things get messy.

And if you don't like what I said or the manner in which I chose to defend my very fucking existence, then fine. I appreciate your support.

Comments

[phoenixsong]

*hug* I don't blame you in the slightest, and honestly, reading what you posted, you sound far more reasonable than (I get the impression) others are giving you credit for.

AdoptedBastard!Me

[morganmuffle]

To be honest if I was in your place I would have struggled to be as diplomatic as you were. What she said was beyond hateful and I hope one day she understands that.
*sends hugs and a pottersginny doll to punch*

[ciceronianus.livejournal.com]

I liked what you said.

I don't know how to say anything else but that - I liked what you said and the manner in which it was spoken. And maybe my faith won't agree with it, but the God I believe in doesn't agree with the kind of garbage you've had to contend with.

[avariel-wings.livejournal.com]

She deserved everything she got. She had no right to assume you were at your college on affirmative action, and she especially had no right to say so without even asking anyone if it was true. And I, among several others, told her so.

[avariel-wings.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, and anyone thick enough to really believe achievements like yours could ever in a million years be a result of affirmative action deserves to be flamed into the ground.

[queerasjohn.livejournal.com]

*hugs you* Don't ever let anyone take away your anger about something like this. This isn't fucking Star Wars, you are not Luke and they are not Yoda.

*fume*

[cygnusfap.livejournal.com]

I completely agree with your right to defend yourself in any way. Anyone that she abused in a racist or homophobic or sizist way has that right, and no way would I take that away from you. What she said was apalling and shocking.

As I said in my post, "if *I* had received racist or any other kind of abuse from her, I'd be mad too." Well, I was mad anyway, but I'd be even madder. Anyone who felt personally attacked in such a way, like you or msscribe or Morri or infinitus etc have that right.

:hugs:

[ivyblossom.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Question, honestly asked

[http://users.livejournal.com/_lore/]

Hi, Clio! I hardly ever post in your journal, but I have a question. Is "biracial" the word people born of parents from different "races" would prefer be used to describe them? I put "races" in quotes because it seems to me all bipedal, upright-walking, opposable-thumb-having, brains-larger-than-walnuts people are of the same race.

My parents brought me up with the term "mulatto" and it hasn't occurred to me that it might be offensive. I'm all for excising offensive language from my vocabulary.

Oh, and, this isn't bait. I'm on Cassie's friends list, which you know makes me a gawdless heathen, if you'd like to check me out.

I am not happy with the way this flame war started. I think Ms. PG is desperate for attention and the more people comment on her, the greater her glee. However, everything that's been posted since the word "zebra" was so casually used has been more than justified.

I wouldn't choose to fight PG with more insults as some have (and I consider calling her "sick" an insult as much as anything else. Our whole fandom is called "sick" by some, and it bothers me), but *you* did not take that route. You anger came across just as clearly without mudslinging. Go you!

Anyway, um....thanks. I hope I haven't written anything that bothers you.

love, lore

[ladylisse.livejournal.com]

*hugs* That's just...that's unbelievable. I almost never say this, but I am totally with John here. She deserves to be flamed into the damn ground. That piece of shit wouldn't know merit or real worth if it bit her in the ass. She isn't fit to be dirt on your shoe.

*hugs again*

[tartpants.livejournal.com]

I silently cheered when I read what you said then and I cheered now as I re-read it again.

[decafchai.livejournal.com]

*delurks*

Just wanted to stop by and show my support. pottersginny made the attack personal, and to tell the truth, I thought you were actually much calmer and better-reasoned than I would have been in your place. It's incredibly discouraging to think that I have to live in the same country (or world) as people like her.

And as another Cliffie, I was completely outraged by her affirmative action comment. Wanted to comment about it, but she's screening her comments. For someone who has no hesitation in assuming and saying the worst about others, she seems remarkably reluctant to let other people hear the other side of the story.

[kay-taylor.livejournal.com]

Clio, I'm sorry if my post wholly or in part inspired this. pottersginny is an offensive and upsetting troll, and emotions were running high. I'm not seeking to judge anything you say in self-defence.

Contrite,

Kay.

[aome.livejournal.com]

I can't see what you said - she must have turned her journal private or friends-only.

If what I said was upsetting, then I'm really sorry. I *do* support you. Apparently I just can't do it right. But I do.

[katrionaa.livejournal.com]

I thought your response to her was very reasonable and could have been much harsher. She is a horrible disgusting person and I'm sorry you were hurt. :(

[praetorianguard.livejournal.com]

Hi Clio. We don't know each other, and I can't view your comment now, but I remember seeing it yesterday and admiring that fact that you didn't go off on her.

Because I would have, had she attacked who I am. I would have called her every horrible thing I could think of and belittled everything she likes about herself and wrapped it all in extreme condescension.

As it was, I tried to use logic and textual arguments (since she seems so fucking fond of the text) and she deleted it. And then I really wanted to go back and write 'You horrible racist fucking cunt', but she seems to revel in that. At any rate, given the terrible shit she was saying, I thought you were more than reasonable.

*weird stranger hugs* She is a horrible racist fucking cunt. And don't let anyone tell you that your anger or your hurt or the way you responded was inappropriate. Shit like that fucking hurts.

[phoenixsong]

Yeah, I love how she's now locked down all the controversial posts. Perhaps the logical, textual arguments against her position were just too many for her to try to delete them all? *eg*

*more hugs to Clio*

[jlh.livejournal.com]

This is the thing:

When did it become my responsibility to talk to these people? And if they are hurtful and obnoxious in the first place, why is that sort of "okay" because hey, they're ignorant, but it's not "okay" for me to be hurt and respond accordingly? Why is it that you expect me to "rise above" the hurtful things that they say? I try, I do, but I'm only human, and I can't always achieve it.

I'm going to post what I said to her since she locked it up--I still have the emails with the replies, so I can do it verbatim but I'm not home right now--but essentially she said that mixed race folks have a lower IQ, so I pointed to my Harvard and Penn degrees, and she said I must have only gotten in due to affirmative action (which, frankly, took my breath away and in many ways was more hurtful than the original racist remark) and then I pointed out that this isn't true and how I know that and that it doesn't matter anyway. She did not reply to this at all, which has been her pattern. She deleted or simply did not comment to anyone who used reason to reply to her. And believe me, it took all my self-control to stay as calm as I did.

At the end of the day, I think it is really a LOT to ask, that x embattled community should just "stay calm" and not strike back when they are being attacked like this, no matter who that embattled community might be, because you don't like to see the fighting, or their tactics. I know there are trolls in the world--I have to deal with them every day. I reserve the right to hit them back when I am being attacked.

[jlh.livejournal.com]

Thanks, and thanks for the link! That's the best site ever!

I always thought I might try to find my birth parents at some point, so I'm clearly very pro opening records!

[jlh.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I saw your comment and I thought it was awesome. I think it was that affirmative action remark that hurt, more than the overt race stuff. It made me realize how committed to her beliefs she really was.

[jlh.livejournal.com]

Speak the truth you do.

In the real world, man, it isn't that simple, you know? Oh, wait, you totally know.

Thanks, man.

[jlh.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Cyg. I really appreciate that. As you noted in your post, it really wasn't a debate. It was a brawl. She wasn't interested in listening to reason but in spreading her very NON-Christian brand of hate.

The funny thing was, it was the crack that I must have gotten into H through affirmative action that really hurt. I'm so used to the racist remarks that I have ways of battling them and shielding myself from it, but no one had ever actually insinuated something like that to me before. It took me so long to be comfortable with my intelligence that there is HELL to pay for anyone who tries to take that from me. And it's funny because no one who knows anything about Harvard or has ever met me would say something like that.

[jlh.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Re: Question, honestly asked

[jlh.livejournal.com]

I don't think mulatto is offensive; it's just ugly. Personally I prefer biracial because it's nicer, it's clearer, and it includes people who aren't just black/white but black/asian like Tiger Woods or white/asian like Keanu Reeves. I self-identify more "biracial" than Black, but I very much also see myself as a part of the Black community. But when I look around and think, that person is like me, the people I think of are the ones I just mentioned, ones who say, "This is what I am. You call me whatever you want."

Because one of the annoyingly political things within the Black community, that keeps me a little estranged from it, from really feeling a part of it in a closer way, is their wish to negate that yes, one of my parents was white and that matters. It certainly doesn't mean I'm "not Black" or have a wish to be "not Black"—I would be a moron; to the average person on the street I am Black and I have to be aware of that. I will never be white. But I reserve the right to embrace my white cultural heritage (which is a vague Maine French Roman Catholic thing) at the same time as my Black heritage. It's rather controversial that Tiger Woods refuses to say he is only Black—as he points out, he's half Thai but only a quarter Black, and anyway, why can't he be both? It's the need to make the choice that makes me angry. It's why I always put "other" on forms.

So no, I wouldn't be annoyed if someone referred to me as mulatto. It's the truth, after all. But when I am not being sarcastic, I do refer to myself as biracial. Thanks for your question!

[phoenixsong]

I didn't know you were adopted, too. s:) Pisses me off that there's an entire class of us that in, what, 40-odd states, are legally allowed to do whatever we like after age 18/21, but not have access to our original birth certificates, ever, without asking someone else's permission?

I like BN on the principle of reclaiming a supposedly dirty word, as well as the adoptee rights front, and thought you'd appreciate it considering your take on the "mulatto" thing. *g*