For the record
May. 9th, 2003 09:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jlh. . . this is what I said to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
pottersginny.
I'll admit it: I found what she said to be personally hurtful and upsetting, since I'm, as she said, a "zebra", a half-breed, a Tragic Mulatto, a biracial girl.
(Mulatto, by the way, is a not-very-nice word that comes from the same root as "mule" and was used as a distinguisher during the time of slavery, like Octoroon or Quadroon. The term "tragic Mulatto" comes from literary and film works (like Imitation of Life) where the mixed race girl is welcome in neither white nor black society. When I was 11, in 1980, my family got the extended Census form, and I remember my mother pointing at the race column where it said, "mulatto" and saying, "That's you." I thought it was sort of an ugly word. I've been sarcastically reclaiming my status as a Tragic Mulatto ever since.)
I attempted to respond to her in a somewhat sarcastic yet reasonable way because I didn't want her to know how much she had upset me; I didn't want to give her that much power.
What I wanted to say, of course, was "You horrible racist fucking cunt." But, I didn't.
I see that a lot of you are not happy with the way that some of us who felt personally attacked have chosen to defend ourselves. I would say that some of the remarks come from the same place: not wanting to show her how much she has hurt us.
Because, what she's actually doing is not saying that who I sleep with is wrong, that some part of me is wrong or inferior to her, or that I'm going to hell. She is saying that I should not exist. How do you react to that? How do you reply to that? How do you keep your head in the face of that? It is nice to think that we would all remain "above this" and stay calm and remember that she's wrong and stupid. But when someone comes along and reminds you of all the things you've heard in little whispers since you were old enough to hear little whispers, you don't always remember that.
I don't think I would ever feel that I had the right to criticize the manner in which, say,ivyblossom or queerasjohn defended themselves. I might not like it, but I would likely not post about it. I'm really, really insulted that so many of you are like, "Oh, Clio, be better than that--why say such things?" Because I'm not always better than that. And sometimes, things get messy.
And if you don't like what I said or the manner in which I chose to defend my very fucking existence, then fine. I appreciate your support.
pottersginny.I'll admit it: I found what she said to be personally hurtful and upsetting, since I'm, as she said, a "zebra", a half-breed, a Tragic Mulatto, a biracial girl.
(Mulatto, by the way, is a not-very-nice word that comes from the same root as "mule" and was used as a distinguisher during the time of slavery, like Octoroon or Quadroon. The term "tragic Mulatto" comes from literary and film works (like Imitation of Life) where the mixed race girl is welcome in neither white nor black society. When I was 11, in 1980, my family got the extended Census form, and I remember my mother pointing at the race column where it said, "mulatto" and saying, "That's you." I thought it was sort of an ugly word. I've been sarcastically reclaiming my status as a Tragic Mulatto ever since.)
I attempted to respond to her in a somewhat sarcastic yet reasonable way because I didn't want her to know how much she had upset me; I didn't want to give her that much power.
What I wanted to say, of course, was "You horrible racist fucking cunt." But, I didn't.
I see that a lot of you are not happy with the way that some of us who felt personally attacked have chosen to defend ourselves. I would say that some of the remarks come from the same place: not wanting to show her how much she has hurt us.
Because, what she's actually doing is not saying that who I sleep with is wrong, that some part of me is wrong or inferior to her, or that I'm going to hell. She is saying that I should not exist. How do you react to that? How do you reply to that? How do you keep your head in the face of that? It is nice to think that we would all remain "above this" and stay calm and remember that she's wrong and stupid. But when someone comes along and reminds you of all the things you've heard in little whispers since you were old enough to hear little whispers, you don't always remember that.
I don't think I would ever feel that I had the right to criticize the manner in which, say,
ivyblossom or queerasjohn defended themselves. I might not like it, but I would likely not post about it. I'm really, really insulted that so many of you are like, "Oh, Clio, be better than that--why say such things?" Because I'm not always better than that. And sometimes, things get messy.And if you don't like what I said or the manner in which I chose to defend my very fucking existence, then fine. I appreciate your support.
