Wise? Me?

[jlh]

Well, wiseass maybe.

I just replied to a locked post of a friend (whose name and situation shall, of course, remain private) and surprised myself. It was like a statement of purpose, a manifesto, a big chunk of things that I believe, that I act on in my best moments, that battle with the doubt in my worst moments, and that mostly allow me to hang on. So I thought, in the interest of all of you getting to know me better, that I would re-post it here. So:

I've been thinking a lot about this sort of thing lately (for reasons too terrifically t00by to go into) and while I understand all the reasons for not jumping, and all the reasons for being afraid, the best thing really is to just go for it and see what happens.

Looking back at the people in my life, I have the most bitterness and/or unresolved anger, and the least respect, for the ones who wouldn't/couldn't move forward not because of circumstances, or their own lack of interest or what have you, but because they were afraid. It's the worst thing to come up against, and the most frustrating.

I can say that for the most part in my life, I regret the things I didn't do rather than the things I did that didn't work out. You make the best decision you can with the information at hand. Second guessing after the fact is just self-punishment. But if you don't try, you will never know what might have been.

Only you know your capabilities and limitations. But one of the reasons we have other people in our lives is to expand those capabilities, to get us to rethink our limitations. The fear, really, is healthy and good and probably what you should be seeking. Someone who is good for you, who can help you grow as a person, is bound to be scary. The goal--really, the thing you do your entire life--is to push through the fear, to do something not just even though you are scared, but because you are scared.

If it ends up being a horrible disaster, then hey, you tried. You can walk away from it knowing that you went in with the best intentions, you gained valuable knowledge about yourself, and you'll be better equipped when the next thing comes along.


Also, many thanks to everyone who replied to that nutty post of yesterday. I will attempt to think of myself as a little cooler than I might have. Thanks.

Comments

I concur....

[bookshop.livejournal.com]

Leap Before You Look

The sense of danger must not disappear:
The way is certainly both short and steep,
However gradual it looks from here;
Look if you like, but you will have to leap.

Tough-minded men get mushy in their sleep
And break the by-laws any fool can keep;
It is not the convention but the fear
That has a tendency to disappear.

The worried efforts of the busy heap,
The dirt, the imprecision, and the beer
Produce a few smart wisecracks every year;
Laugh if you can, but you will have to leap.

The clothes that are considered right to wear
Will not be either sensible or cheap,
So long as we consent to live like sheep
And never mention those who disappear.

Much can be said for social savoir-faire,
But to rejoice when no one else is there
Is even harder than it is to weep;
No one is watching, but you have to leap.

A solitude ten thousand fathoms deep
Sustains the bed on which we lie, my dear:
Although I love you, you will have to leap:
Our dream of safety has to disappear.

--W. H. Auden

[ex-mahoney365.livejournal.com]

I think I need to keep your post, and read it often.

[sisterpandora.livejournal.com]

But if you don't try, you will never know what might have been.

I absolutely agree. Fear is at worst stifling and breaking. I was not born the bravest person, but there is a quote I like to remember when my stomach is filled with butterflies. "Fear is the original sin." It's from the Blue Castle by L. M. Montgomery, but I can't remember the name of the character which said it.

(I loff Gryffindor!Clio.)

"Blue Castle" spoilers!

[phoenixsong]

John Foster...


...who is actually Barney.

Re: "Blue Castle" spoilers!

[sisterpandora.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It was the last name that escaped me. :)

[ex-lunasparr180.livejournal.com]

Oh, I don't know. My impression of you is that you don't let people into your life very easily - that you're quite closed off and guarded. I don't get the impression you take risks with others very often at all. Then again, everything is relative and cyberspace isn't always the best way to get to know who someone really is.

We've had a lot of contact or rather did when I was beta-ing for you but it has really been almost always 'business' based. I'm not able to be on-line often enough for us to just chat about personal stuff so perhaps that's why I have that impression. ::shrugs::

[jlh.livejournal.com]

Well, hopefully you aren't just saying that I'm a big hypocritical ass for posting this, and while that was my first reaction, I'm going to reply as though you aren't.

I think that I am guarded about people online, for obvious reasons--I don't really know them, only what they say about themselves. It's fairly rare that I meet people that don't know other people I know, given that I grew up in a very small town, most of my friends are from college or through college friends, and I work in such an interconnected industry. So meeting a lot of people that no one else knows, yes, I'm cautious. And the more well-known that I get, and the more that people wander over from cassieland, the more cautious I get, the more likely I am to say, "Who are you?"

I think that in RL, I do very much think about things for a long time, consider my options, even dither, before I do something. But I nearly always do it. What I was referring to wasn't those very first steps, but more when you've gotten yourself into something and you come to that place where you have to decide if you are going to give yourself to it or not. I realize now that if you had seen what this comment was responding to, it might have made that clearer.

I also am definitely saying that this is my best self: a big chunk of things that I believe, that I act on in my best moments, that battle with the doubt in my worst moments, and that mostly allow me to hang on. That isn't to say that I always succeed at it. I get scared like anyone else. I just try not to let that drive all my decisions.

From my experiences so far, I would say it is nigh impossible to get a good picture of what people really are like from the LJ, but that chat is fairly accurate. It's easy to present a certain face to the world in words that you have time to think about and edit before you say them. Chat moves too fast for that. The people I have met that I have chatted with generally did not surprise in the flesh. I have always been sorry that you are not available for chat, because I liked talking to you, and maybe we can find a way around that at some point. I certainly hope so.

[ex-lunasparr180.livejournal.com]

No, I wasn't saying that you are "a big hypocritical ass" at all. Otherwise I would have said just that. :D

I was saying that in the very limited contact we've had (as well as the type of contact which as you said yourself, plays a big part), that's the way you come across to me.

I think it would actually be quite difficult to win enough of your interest and liking to induce you to invest yourself in another person but that's not necessarily a bad thing either. I'm like that myself.

It wasn't a judgment Clio. Just an observation, okay?

[bookshop.livejournal.com]

I think it would actually be quite difficult to win enough of your interest and liking to induce you to invest yourself in another person but that's not necessarily a bad thing either. I'm like that myself.


I'm not sure how to read your tone, but I really don't think that's giving Clio much credit. From the limited contact I've had with her, and mostly especially from knowing how her closer friends feel about her, I'd wholeheartedly vouch for Clio's dependability and worth as a friend, and for the fact that when the chips are down she'll go out of her way to help, encourage, and give to people she cares about. I've never known her to be anything but reliable, trustworthy, and supportive, and in terms of online friendships, I'd say that's about as good as it gets. Wouldn't you agree?

[ex-lunasparr180.livejournal.com]

Just as I can't see into your friendship with Clio, you can't see into my contact with her either. I don't like the fact that you're making judgments on what I've said considering that fact. I spent a lot of time and effort beta-ing her (excellent) work and I think that says more for the friendship I have felt for her than anything else.

In other words - butt out!

[jlh.livejournal.com]

Yes. I think I'm a little hypersensitive at the moment--for reasons that I won't go into here but will perhaps send you in an email. I'm feeling all raw and exposed nerve endings-y and may well have overreacted, though I tried to keep that to a minimum. No worries! ^_^

[blackholly.livejournal.com]

Having met Clio a handful of times, I can report that she isn't guarded or closed off at all. :)