who gets used as the reason why someone isn't a racist

[jlh]

This Is Dedicated to That One Black Kid, comic by Keith Knight
Monday: who lives in that tiny ass town off the highway, in the middle of nowhere
Tuesday: who was not into hip hop in high school

One thing I've got used to is being the only Person of Color, or just the only black person, that some of my friends know or are close friends with. I'm not always aware of what that means for them because it's been my natural state since I was very young. But sometimes I wonder, does that lead to added responsibility for me? I'm so used to "educating" people about race, but is that my job, because so many of my friends are white?

A friend of mine from high school, who went to Dartmouth (not a lot of black folks there) did a stint for Teach for America in rural North Carolina and that first Christmas she said to me, "Wow, Clio, all black folks are not like you!" My thought was, "no shit, sherlock," but then I thought, well, it was entirely natural that she would think that, and very honest and open of her to admit that being in North Carolina really opened her eyes to how race works in a place that isn't as bizarre and insular as Maine.

After all, being friends with me certainly doesn't mean you aren't racist. I mean, I have my own racist moments so I certainly can't absolve you of yours merely by being in your life. Yet, I'm often asked to explain what the black folks are all upset about this time, or why thus-and-such is racist, and while sometimes I'm happy to do that, sometimes I worry. After all, with my background, I'm even more loathe to talk for all black folks than most. Never mind that I don't want to take on the responsibility of the racial education of all of my friends; it isn't my job. And really, it's the responsibility of each of us to do that for ourselves. That's certainly what I did.

Comments

[adjudicated.livejournal.com]

I agree that it isn't your responsibility to educate your white friends about racism. I think one of the hardest juxtopositions about racism is that whites simply don't know racism -- not really. Whites are privileged, and, for example, being randomly called a cracker-ass-cracker once in one's life doesn't even remotely compare to . . . God, what is a decent word, anyway? . . . living under eons of oppression, death and hatred because of one's skin color or country of origin -- one cannot help what they are born as or into. Of course we all constantly see the ridiculous arguments of "Well, blacks are racist, too!" Yeah? Damn, they have a helluva a better reason to be, to be honest.

In regard to race and race relations, I do love and appreciate it when you talk with me about racism, and bring new points of view to my attention. This is beneficial because I now feel more confident in not needing to ask why so-and-so, in regard to race or white privilege, is not okay. I am more able to understand inherent incidents of racism that other races experience without having to have it explained to me. This is, I think, how progress begins. If a white can see a POC's experience through a different, non-white set of eyes . . . it just furthers understanding.

You once mentioned to me that you think about your race everyday. It's an everyday awareness for you. That really struck me, because, you know? I don't do that. I think it's because I don't have to. It reminds me of a time when I was a junior in high school, in boarding school, and my mother came to visit, oh, in February -- so, like, two-thirds of the way through the school year -- and she was astounded when she met all of my roommates. She said, "You never told me that Cathy is black." Even at sixteen that struck me. Because, it didn't occur to me that I should have to qualify, when talking day-to-day about my roommates, "Cathy is black. But Erica, Hallie, me and Yoli are white . . . oh, but Delores is native American." My mother has race issues, and is racist, although she wouldn't recognize that, I don't think. In her mind she's an uber-liberal, Unitarian, progressive woman (but one who didn't want her daughter living in 'da hood, mind. Too bad, Mom! I'm livin' la vida loca ;) <-- okay, that? Was a joke. Just sayin'.

[kaalee.livejournal.com]

Y'know, I want to echo this point, too. That I so appreciate, Clio, when you do talk about racism. In my view, it is not your responsibility to educate your white friends about racism. And yet sometimes you do talk about it. What it does for me is help me broaden my own lens so that I can see more things from a wider perspective, rather than from only a privileged perspective, and it (really is a gift, actually) allows me to start judging things on my own and not needing others to point it out to me.

[jlh.livejournal.com]

Wherever you are, Julie, you are livin la vida loca. ^_~

I really liked that you felt you could talk to me and that we could find a way to talk about things that wasn't frustrating. And sometimes, yeah, I was like, no, don't ask me about this, WHY, but then I would think, well, better me than someone else, and at least people are asking, and if I'm asking other people to do some work I should like, do work myself and not be lazy about it. I think it can be the exact same kind of poncy whining, to be honest.

You know, that's what's exciting, is that people don't get it for a while and then they suddenly DO. Someone had a post not long ago, a white person, about how these things would come up and all the black folks just sounded angry and unkind and what was this bingo thing, and then she wouldn't read for a little bit, and then the next go around she found she could read more, and the next time a little more, until at one point it just clicked and she got it. And she was like, well, there's nothing to do for it except to just keep reading and pushing yourself past your own boundaries.

I would agree with that, totally. When working on like, sexuality and gender things I'm always struggling with that, with my lingering heteronormative impulses, or certainly in prizing monogamy, or anything else, really. Because it totally IS how progress begins.

So I think I'll keep doing it, but keep disclaiming it? Like, being the teacher but expecting people to do some outside reading, or something.

Thanks!

[kaalee.livejournal.com]

And really, it's the responsibility of each of us to do that for ourselves.

Yes.

I've just caught up on these (I think -- this is the third inspired by Keith Knight's work?). I really appreciate reading them. One of the things I think about so often is that people's stories, their experiences, are so, so important to me. They help me learn about them, their point of view, their perspective and their feelings. I mean related to race, to being female, to age, to experience, etc... The older I get and the more I think about things, the more I wonder about this: when I learn about you, I'm not learning more necessarily about what it means to be black, because while there are many threads of experience that run across people's lives, it's different for everyone. What I'm learning, is what it means to you to be black. What other friends share with me has some similarities with what you've shared, as well as many differences.

I'm not sure I quite said what I was going for, but I'll leave it here for now and come back if I haven't got it right. ♥

[jlh.livejournal.com]

The biggest thing that I learned from being young to being at college was realizing that being black really DOES mean different things to different people and that everyone really DOES have to work it out on their own. I always thought it was something that folks who grew up with their black parents got taught while they were taught how to hold a fork, or something.

I guess I decided that I'll probably blog about various STUFF all along the year but this week since that comic resonated with me so strongly I'd do some personal stuff. Thanks for reading and commenting!

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

If anything I would think it was almost more their (our) responsibility. Not in a scolding way, but it's like hey, now you're talking to somebody who isn't exactly like you, so maybe she might have something different to say on some subject.

I know there have been times when I've been in a group of people and if something comes up that's related to race and there's one black person in the group all eyes are going to go to that person. Sometimes it's even funny because you know the person isn't some ambassador from the black race but it's just an awareness of there being a different pov there. Maybe that person can't speak for everyone, or even the person you're talking about, but you figure they might have something to say or want to get that pov.

This just reminded me of a comedian I saw years ago who said he was watching something on Africa on TV and his friends were like, "Hey Joe, what are they saying?" He was like, "Like I know every African language? Do they think when I get home I just..." *Imitates walking in the front door, taking off his jacket, putting down his keys, picking up his spear and calls out sounds like a Masai hunter calling out directions to other hunters*

[jlh.livejournal.com]

And because they think about it more often than the non-PoC people might. It's true, I can only speak for myself, and that's really okay. I also try to do a lot of listening because if I start thinking about it too much I'm like, oh, those white people and like, I don't even feel that way. It's more, oh, those obnoxious people, and then also, oh, those clueless people.

[dramawench.livejournal.com]

It seems unfair for you to have to be the voice for black people for your friends, though I think that happens to a lot of people in different areas. I get that for being one of the few Catholics here in the south - it's hard being the spokesperson for something so huge and varied, which you definitely know.

At the same time, I think about it in that these people are at least trying to get information from a source they trust and are trying to educate themselves. I worry all the time about what I'm saying, but I'm glad that people are reaching out.

[jlh.livejournal.com]

Ha, I'm Catholic too, but being from the northeast it's hard to think of it as being in the minority. But yeah, it's really similar, it's like, but we're not all the same!

I feel so much as you do. I'm glad they care enough to ask. I'm glad that I can answer sometimes. But it's like the "I am not a lawyer" or "I am not a doctor" disclaimers online. I don't want to be the only source of information. I think that's what I mean by "responsible".

[oyceter]

But sometimes I wonder, does that lead to added responsibility for me? I'm so used to "educating" people about race, but is that my job, because so many of my friends are white?

Oooh, this struck a nerve with me (in a good way). I've been thinking a lot about that, especially since race has become an increasingly large part of why people find my LJ and read me. And I do appreciate the readership and the voice, and I am going to keep talking and blogging about race, because it's important to me. But I also wonder if I am becoming a "professional Asian" or something -- Frank Wu's introduction to Yellow talks about his simultaneous pride in being able to talk about race to a broad audience and his sadness that he is seen as being Asian first and foremost because of his activism.

And so... I don't know. I do think it's my responsibility in a way to educate about race, but not because I'm Asian, but because it's a way to fight racism, and that is always worth it. But I also think that POC should not feel obliged to talk about race and racism, as if that's the only thing there is to us. And of course my personal wish is for so many people to talk about race and educate that POC don't have to feel the burden and can individually make the choice to do it or not without feeling the pressure to (not that they can't individually choose today, but that I think there are expectations and pressure on that choice).

[jlh.livejournal.com]

I loved your post on anger, because it's such a huge thing, and I loved how gender was brought up as well. I'll comment there, but I really was flattered to be part of the things that got you to that post!

I like, well, I would quote that entire second paragraph. A friend of mine brought up that I'm a teacher, and an explainy person in general, which are other reasons why I am sort of okay in taking on the responsibility, but I think in order to make myself feel better I'll need to keep saying, "and you need to think about this more than what I said, and read further, maybe in these places." One thing IBARW has given me is tons of things to read! But in the end it is the expectations and pressure. I can choose to do this, but that doesn't mean that you get to rely on me to give you the whole of it.

Thanks for this!

[oyceter]

(Completely OT: !!!!!! Donyelle! So You Think You Can Dance! OMG! You watch too?!)

Oh! I'm really glad you liked it, and I love your posts this week. (and all your other posts too!)

And yeah... I tend toward explaining things anyway, but I am so glad to have all these other resources to point people toward.

[locumtenens.livejournal.com]

I'm probably echoing other comments here, but...

No, it's definitely not your job or your responsibility to educate everyone. A favor to a friend who's looking for insight? Certainly. But I'd say you always have the right to not want to talk about it at any given time, or to want people to figure things out for themselves on occasion. :)

[jlh.livejournal.com]

I really struggle with that, you know? Is it okay to want people to just figure it out for themselves, to get tired of being their go-to black girl? It seems churlish, and yet, it gets old, too.