Hot Lunch!

[jlh]

Two things happened last night that now bring me back to this subject of "fame." First, eccentricfemme asked me when ballyharnon was getting back from Ireland (as we are all eagerly awaiting the next part of Of Silver) and I replied, "20th, said the fangirl." Second, a pal pointed out angiej's recent post about FA inner circles.

If I didn't already think that Slytherin Goddess rocked, I do now. She was spot on. I mean, you have three people, and you probably have an inner circle. And I, for one, don't think there's a single thing wrong with that. We ALL have buddies at the park. Some social scientist would have a field day (and rather a good dissertation) mapping the internal relationships over there. When I hop online, I buzz around to see who's on--don't we all? There are writers that I admire, whom I review and whose posts I'm happy to read. Does that make me an atrocious fangirl? For all my usual anxiety about these things, I have to say, no. If you don't like it, make your own damn circle. But at least be honest about it.

I'm not entirely sure why this issue keeps coming up in one way or another. There's the anxiety over being a fangirl that leads to rather over-edited reviews. There's the surprise that people are talking about a gathering place that some FA friends and I have started. There's the management of the GG fic (I've got next, watch for the transition). And there's how to handle that people are actually reading and reviewing my story.

I remember being new to the Park. Not that I'm some old salt, but what I do recall is lurking for about six weeks before my first post. And then being ridiculously excited when someone posted after me and quoted me, whether in agreement or not (come to think of it, that was dear femme). And then being ridiculously excited when someone I knew from their writing or their posts quoted me, whether in agreement or not. I can give this as an example because I now think of him as a pal, but when johnwalton first referred to me as "the lovely jlh" I think I went sqeeeeeee for 30 minutes.

And now, I'm reading as much as I can, and writing when it suits me. The writing has brought it all into focus. I'm an alpha and a beta reader, a reviewer and a writer, a fan and a muse. The ships feel like a community of like-minded writers, especially the Seamus/Dean ship. Some buddies of mine and I have started our own Y!Group. And all this happened over just six months.

And so, in the end, I circle back to what Ebony said in the first place, though perhaps rather more gentle in tone. If you want to belong, get involved. That's what we did.

Oh, and I don't think I've thanked fiatincantatum enough for the code! If not for her, no nocturne alley for me! Speaking of which, I have to agree with vanityfair—all of Siri and Remi's talk of their own sex lives is a bit declasse, to say the least.

--jen

Comments

[thalialuna.livejournal.com]

Yeah, this was a really interesting post for me because I've been struggling and excited over the whole 'inner circle' thingie too. For one, it's been pure bliss getting to know all my Muses. You've all expanded my horizons, stimulated my thought processes, taught me so much about other 'realities' and made me feel less... unusual or different. To me, you are an unusually sophisticated, intelligent, interesting, diverse, real and genuinely good bunch of women. It's really such a privledge to have been made so welcome in such a special group.

On the other hand, my Australian egalitarianism doesn't like to see anyone excluded even for very good and valid reasons such as age. I need to get over that because we're not exclusive for the sake of being exclusive. We're exclusive because we got involved with each other early on and became good friends very quickly.

I agree with your sentiments about belonging but I put it in a more old fashioned way. 'If you want to have friends, be a friend.' Leave generous and thoughtful reviews for stories you genuinely like. Reply to people's posts when they've made you think. Join in AIM chats as much as you can. Be the best beta you know how to be if you're lucky enough to be asked. Just generally make yourself available and be sincere. People will respond eventually. Maybe not straight away but in a few weeks or months, you'll have the beginnings of friendships that may lead to something as fantastic as the Muse group.

I thank God (literally) for my new friendships on-line and especially for my Panny who so generously welcomed me to FAP, answered my posts, put up with my pestering and loved Labyrinth with me.

Live on Muses!

[raymarie.livejournal.com]

The topic of inner circles is certainly an interesting one. Mostly because we all actually belong to them, but at the same time, sometimes we don't even notice we belong to them.

I think that the problem people have with inner circles is obvious: People feel excluded. And I can sympathize. There are certain "groups" people are members of that I'm not. And if caught in a chat with the members of the group, one can feel awkward. That goes for everyone. You feel nervous, awkward or even bad if a group of people get together and form their own circle of friends, and you're on the outside, unable to get in. ::shrugs:: To be frank, I don't even know if I'm a member of any circles. Sometimes the circles are formed and you don't even know it. I know I don't.

[jlh.livejournal.com]

You're correct, as usual, ray. I think people often don't realize they belong to them. Look at the GG thread--there are tons of newbie gryffs who want to know, how do I get into the fic? And when we started it, we certainly didn't think we were an inner circle! And look at you--captain of a ship, in the FAP chat all the time so you know nearly all the mods, etc. I guess the thing is, not to be disingenuous about it. I think those who might feel excluded feel less so when you say, nicely, yes, there is a belonging here, and this is how to do it. Just as we have done with GG.

I, too, am used to being on the outside. I would say that nearly everyone around here is like that. It may be the biggest reason that no one wants to admit that there are inner circles--the nerds have suddenly become the cool kids, and it isn't as good a feeling as you thought it would be.

I hate to be the bearer of this news, but it is so: all of life really is like high school. You just get to spend more and more time at the lunch table with your friends.

Oh, and I realized that in that other post I might have sounded like I'm impatiently waiting for ch 6. Nothing could be further from the truth. I haven't gone through ch 5 yet. Write. And I'll do ch 2 this weekend if not sooner.

--jen

[thalialuna.livejournal.com]

You said: I, too, am used to being on the outside. I would say that nearly everyone around here is like that. It may be the biggest reason that no one wants to admit that there are inner circles--the nerds have suddenly become the cool kids, and it isn't as good a feeling as you thought it would be.

I say: For me, this isn't true. I had a large, caring group of friends at high school (15 of us) and even the group who thought they were the 'elites' envied our closeness (and I know because they said so, much to our astonishment).

Even at Uni, I was fortunate to find a group of genuine, down-to-earth people who were a lot of fun. Once I hit the workforce, I belonged to the 'professional' or 'managerial' inner circle.

For nearly 20 years now, I've had people hating me for my good fortune to make good friends and belong to a 'group'. Their criticism is based on jealousy but tries to pass itself off as something legitimate.

You know, I'm a little tired of feeling as though I should apologise for having a group of friends. I'm also tired of people trying to stick the knife in at work because I have my own office and other small privledges. What's stopping them from going to Uni and getting a degree, if they want to? And what's stopping people from making their own group of friends too?

As you can see, this is a sensitive issue for me.