I'm nice. Fuck you if you don't like it.

[jlh]

So there's this thing I keep reading, where people say "So I'm not nice. I'm honest."

Not realizing that nice ≠ honest, I went looking at the antonyms for "honest" on dictionary.com:
deceitful, devious, dishonest, evasive, lying, shady, sneaky, under the table, underhand

Huh. So I looked for the antonyms for "nice":
mean, unlikable, unpleasant, disagreeable, discordant, distasteful, nasty, unacceptable

Well would you look at that. Apparently nice isn't the opposite of honest! I am all astonishment.

(note: nice also isn't the opposite of snarky. I can be sarcastic and still be nice. It's a talent.)

See, being not nice just means, well, being not nice. Being not nice doesn't make you smarter, or cooler, or more honest, or more "real," or a better person in general. It just means you're not nice. It means some people will like you more, and some people will be wary of you, because you are not nice. I personally am wary of people who are not nice because I'd rather not inadvertently find myself a target for their condescension. But I know some who are wary of nice people because they seem fake. And that's fine, too.

There's an undercurrent among fen, a worship of the misanthropic intellectual. I just want to point out that you can be an intellectual and like people, too.

Comments

[hermorrine.livejournal.com]

Very well said. But then, I bet you're not surprised to find that I agree. ;)

[jlh.livejournal.com]

Hee, no. Oh, I have 15 minutes left your time, I hope you had a great DAY!

[hermorrine.livejournal.com]

I did have a good day, thanks! And now it's on to yours! Happy happy birthday!! Have a wonderful day! :)

[ladyjaida.livejournal.com]

There was this one time -- it was my tenth birthday party I think, before I had no real life friends for a while, a ha ha ha ha -- where my mother got all of my friends together and we got dressed up and all went to dinner in a fancy restaurant like adults, and it was wonderful and I was having such a great time and I was so happy. Until I went to the bathroom and discovered two of my friends telling a third that her dress was ugly. "We're just being honest," they said. Not really, no. My mother took me aside and she was like, "A lot of people in this world are going to give 'being cruel' all sorts of names, but you've got to recognize it for what it is. That's not honesty. That's being unkind. And there's a big difference."

♥ ps, like, happy birthday once again.

[anemonerose.livejournal.com]

Your posts have a way of putting my thoughts into words sometimes. I've been thinking about the honest = not nice thing myself and ... yes. I agree with everything you've just said above.

[calloocallay.livejournal.com]

Hi! I'm Emily. I'm an intellectual and I like people.

[amyamy.livejournal.com]

-applauds- Oh, I most decidedly agree.

And, since by now it'll have ticked over to Wednesday in your part of the world, too, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!

-hugs-

[scrabble.livejournal.com]

So, I totally fell asleep at 8:45 last night. I am sure, however, I will speak to you later today before leaving.

[tropes.livejournal.com]

Effing word. I have had enough of rude bitches in my day.

[piperki.livejournal.com]

The most important thing I learned in grad school was how to be honest without being not-nice. Where's the virtue in being a rotten bitch?

OMG I missed your birthday, I'm sorry...*self-flagellates* I hope it was good!

[phoenixsong]

Oh god, YES. You can be honest without ripping someone's heart out in the process. There does not need to be a huge gap between the intellectual left brain and the sympathetic, sensitive right brain.

Happy birthday, and many happy returns!

[ali-wildgoose.livejournal.com]

Well, you know how I feel about this. ;}

Also...HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Though hopefully I'll be able to tell you in person soon enough!

[locumtenens.livejournal.com]

Happy Birthday!

I tried to send you an email last night, but I'm not sure you got it since I had to go through LJ. Can you drop me a line at allyangel@gmail.com with your real email? Please?

*bats eyes*

[smilie117.livejournal.com]

*messes up so deletes and resends*

Happy Birthday Clio! *hugs and throws confetti* Wishing you the best for today and throughout the year :)

[skg.livejournal.com]

People seem to be confused by the idea that you can be honest without being blunt. Delivering an honest message can be done with diplomacy and tact, but it requires effort and thought.

Saying something cruel or mean (regardless of its "truth) with the excuse that "So I'm not nice. I'm honest." is just that--an excuse.

Make the effort to be honest in a socially successful way and then pat yourself on the back.

Oh and...

[skg.livejournal.com]

Happy Birthday Clio!!!

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

You know, I know there are plenty of people who only fake liking others, but it must be terrible to associate any kind of politeness or pleasantness with deceit. The only people it seems to benefit are people who are mean and need everyone to be that way too so that the only thing that matters is whether you're proud of it or not. There are very few places in life where anybody considers a certain kind of rudeness a good thing.

[pinkfinity.livejournal.com]

Alas, some of us know the addresses of some of those places.

[misscake]

Hi. You have no idea who I am but we have several mutual LJ friends who think the world of you and I thought I'd pop over here and wish you a happy birthday.

And on topic, I really don't think it should be that hard to be honest, or at least tactful, and nice at the same time. There is really no excuse for being nasty and mean and claiming it's okay because you are being honest.

[sisterpandora.livejournal.com]

Love you, love that you said this, and, because it cannot be said often enough, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

[aome.livejournal.com]

On a totally unrelated note, I just thought I'd pop in to wish you a very happy BIRTHDAY! Hope you had a wonderful day. *offers chocolate cake*

[wordplay.livejournal.com]

I didn't even SEE this until Julie linked to it - I went back to skip=200 so it DOES show up on my friendslist and so I have no idea how I managed to miss it the first time.

That said - this is the kind of thing only you could write. Honestly, I think a lot of the problem has to do with the word "nice". This is part of why I've stopped using it as often and tend to prefer "kind" - it says a lot more and carries a lot fewer negative connotations ("nice" is like "liberal" in that way, I think) and is much more difficult to finesse around.

I hope your birthday was the most fun. I wish I could have been there, but I know you had a blast. ♥

[kaalee.livejournal.com]

I agree completely. I think it's entirely possible [and I even like to believe that it takes a higher level thinking skill to be able to do this] to be honest while still being nice, civil, and polite.

I have probably a lot more to say about this -- though it was a rant I wrote and locked way back in October or November. I may go look it up again. ♥

And, happy birthday!!! Belated and all, but: *lovelove*