on busy times on the internets

[jlh]

It's that time of year in which people are very busy, so I just wanted to say in one place at one time my general social policy.

In short: I will not call you, I will not text you, I will not try to see you, I will not ping you on chat, I will not @tweet you, I will not expect you to reply to any comments I might make in your journal, and I will not expect you to contact me in any way. I never want to be seen as any kind of social burden, or as someone who obligates other people socially. If you feel that I have done that, please let me know, and of course I will reduce my contact with you further.

• I do not initiate emails unless they are brief, urgent questions. I will state the relative urgency of the question and the time frame during which I need an answer. Otherwise, I will not email you.
  
• I do not @tweet people as a general rule. I do not DM on twitter, but I will reply to DMs.
  
• If you would like to chat with me, please ping. I am never on invisible, and when I'm busy I say so, so if I'm online I'm generally amenable. I will not attempt to chat with you, even if you are online and your status is "available."
  
• I trust that people who do not want comments on their journal entries will set them to have no comments. However if you would rather that I not comment on your journal please let me know.
  
• As a general rule, I reply to the comments on my journal. However I do understand that journal comments are not obligations for conversation, and do not expect people to reply to my replies.
  
• Similarly, I do not expect people to reply to the comments that I make in their journal unless I've asked them a question. However even in that case of course it is up to you whether you wish to reply or not. I do reserve the right to not comment in the journals of people whose consistent nonreplies to comments implies, to me, that they are not interested in people commenting in their journal. I will not think less of you for this; I just probably won't comment in your journal.
  
• I'm not really on facebook, but anyone on facebook probably knows this. I try to keep up with the invitations, though.
  
• I do not initiate in-person meetups, because I understand that people are very busy and don't really have time for that sort of thing. I hope that when they do, if they would like to see me they will contact me.
  
• I do not call people, unless I have a very time sensitive question and I know they're home.
  
• I do not text people except to negotiate logistics.
  
• I try not to post on LJ/DW more than ten times per week, so as not to spam flists.
  
• If there is a similar way in which I can reduce my social burden on others on tumblr, please let me know. I don't see tumblr as creating a social burden, but anything I can do to lessen social burdens on tumblr, I will do.

As for me, well, spending two weeks nearly entirely offline and having no one notice or look for me or try to contact me does tend to put things into perspective; I think I'm just not the sort of person who is missed or needed in that way. I'm pretty sure that if I got busy again, and took more time off, I would be able to do so without anyone being any the wiser. I am, fortunately for me I reckon, neither so in-demand nor so important to anyone that I need to make the kinds of announcements that are so popular this week.

Anyway, please feel free to contact me in whatever manner you choose.

Comments

[verity]

Oh, Clio! *hugs*

I think of you more as an IRL friend. You're more likely to get a emaily heads-up when I have a window for brunch or cookie slumber parties than anything else internet-based. Your friendship is so dear to me.

The main reason I made that post in my journal is that I've always been really dedicated to making sure my internet relationships are as 1:1 as I can make them from my end, and I feel terrible that it takes me so long to respond to comments and I generally have so little energy in responding to them these days. For what it's worth, your contact is always appreciated and welcome. It's never a burden. I have been feeling really overwhelmed and burdened by other people and it's contributed to my general feelings of woe about unreciprocality.

Much much love, always.

[jlh]

I think it comes from the same impulse; I want to make all of my relationships 1:1 and I understand how much people are sort of not interested in social contact they cannot completely control, so I just don't bother to initiate it much anymore. Yours was the fifth or so such post on my flist in the last week or two, so I guess it's a big thing going around. And people often talk about the problems of social obligations. I don't want to be a problem for anyone.

I mean, if you're talking about feeling overwhelmed and burdened by anything then I am going to leave you alone and let you come to me when you are amenable to doing so. I don't think it much matters if it's me doing the burdening or not—if you're overwhelmed then you're overwhelmed and I don't want to add to it. I mean, I know you're doing a lot of boundary defining and I'm trying to pay a lot of attention to all the things that you're mentioning and making sure that I don't do anything like that. If your boundary is at 100 paces, then I want to be at 500, you know? I never want you to feel like you ever have to actually say anything to me.

There's just so little that I can't be flexible about, that it seems selfish to not be as flexible and accommodating to people as possible, which means molding my social wishes around the less flexible social needs of others and in between times sort of turn turtle as I did this evening. So hopefully I'm around when you do decide to contact me!

Have a nice time in Boston!

[verity]

I really appreciate how closely you've been following my saga of boundaries and the respect you're giving to me in navigating all that. Thanks so much. *hugs* I think I understand where you're coming from a bit better.

I will keep an eye out for further brunching and cookie-baking windows. Again, thanks! I am sure it will be excellent times.

[iberiandoctor]

Well, speaking as someone who would have to fly halfway around the world for an IRL meet-up with you :), I think this post is entirely considerate.

I love my friends inside the internet and generally want to interact with them and conversing via LJ comments and email, but those are entirely controlled circumstances - I get that there might be more opportunity to feel overwhelmed and less in control of interaction if you add Twitter/DMs/tumblr/texting/RL meeting.

Also *hugs*

[elements]

I wish I lived close enough to have the option of trying to bug you to get together in person :). And I wish I was doing more than skimming my flist so much of late. I find that it usually takes like a month before people start to worry about me. I appreciate not being in a fandom-vital kind of position myself, too.