bechdel music test?

[jlh]

So my friend calloocallay recently mentioned something about a musical Bechdel test, about finding songs about a third person woman whom the singer didn't either want to sleep with or do away with (I presume as a romantic rival?). So of course I had to try and see if it held up through an entirely unscientific survey of my iTunes.

I had thought, going into this, that the problem would be that the vocal music I listen to—pop, rock, soul, rap, dance—is mostly about sex, and that's true. But actually the bigger problem was that many songs that seemed to be in the third person in the verse go into the second person in the chorus. The American Songbook stuff was the worst; it was nearly all first or second person. And of course all that confessional singer/songwriter stuff is entirely in the first person. So the limiting factor here wasn't that there aren't a lot of songs not about romance, but rather that there aren't a lot of songs in the third person.

That said, the question in songs about women is whether saying that they are beautiful or that you love them is making it about how hot they are. In those cases I admit I went extra-textual. For example, I know that "Julia" is about John Lennon's mother, even though he talks about singing a song of love to her seashell eyes.

In the end, I don't think that there really are tons of songs about nonsexualized men in the third person but far fewer about women, so I'm not sure the Bechdel test is really telling us anything here except that popular music doesn't tend to be in the third person in the first place, regardless of the gender of the people writing or who they're writing about. But I only heard about this in passing, so I could be mistaking the point of the test!

songs about ladies
The Beatles | Julia
The Beatles | Let It Be (which mentions Paul's mother, Mary)
The Beatles | Lady Madonna
The Beatles | She's Leaving Home
Bill Withers | Grandma's Hand
Dixie Chicks | Goodbye, Earl (really more about the girls that killed him)
Donna Summer | She Works Hard for the Money
Ella Fitzgerald | Miss Otis Regrets
Elvis Costello | Veronica
Flaming Lips | Yoshimi vs The Pink Robots
Florence & the Machine | Girl with One Eye
INXS | Jan's Song
Julianna Hatfield | My Sister
Monkees | She Hangs Out (though this comes with a side of slut shaming, so)
Crowded House | She Goes On
Paul Simon | Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes (which I think is about Carrie, so)
Pizzacato Five | Twiggy Twiggy
Queen | Killer Queen
Ryan Adams | Tina Toledo's Street Walkin' Blues
Ryan Adams | Sylvia Plath
Sam Phillips | She Can't Tell Time
Spandau Ballet | Highly Strung
Sting | They Dance Alone
Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers | American Girl
Night Ranger | Sister Christian (It's about his sister, though also about her burgeoning sexuality)

songs about guys
Anna Nalick | Breathe (2AM) (which is about her brother)
Bangles | Hero Takes a Fall (dunno, there's some romantically spurned undertones there)
The Beatles | Doctor Robert
The Beatles | Maxwell's Silver Hammer
The Beatles | Mean Mr. Mustard
Curtis Mayfield | Freddie's Dead
Duran Duran | The Reflex
Elton John | Levon
Florence and the Machine | My Boy Builds Coffins
The Fugees | Killing Me Softly
The Beatles | Taxman
Liz Phair | Soap Star Joe
Neil Young | Southern Man
Nick Drake | Man in a Shed

songs about a lot of people
The Beatles | Penny Lane
The Beatles | Piggies
The Beatles | Rocky Racoon
The Beatles | Eleanor Rigby
The Decemberists | Sixteen Military Wives
Ella Fitzgerald | Alexander's Ragtime Band
Elton John | Bennie and the Jets
Elvis Costello | Oliver's Army
Glenn Miller | Tuxedo Junction
Jill Scott | Family Reunion
The Mamas and the Papas | Creeque Alley (also somewhat in the first person, but ah well)
Neil Diamond | Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show
No Doubt | Hey Baby
The Police | Synchronicity II
Suzanne Vega | The Queen and the Soldier
The Who | Eminence Front
Doobie Brothers | China Grove
Billy Joel | Piano Man

songs discarded for being ultimately in the second person
Bat for Lashes | Daniel
Elton John | Daniel
The Beatles | Martha My Dear (is also about a dog)
The Beatles | Dear Prudence
The Beatles | Please Mr. Postman
The Beatles | Mr. Moonlight
The Clash | Rudie Can't Fail
Ella Fitzgerald | Sophisticated Lady
Garbage | Stupid Girl
Garbage | Cherry Lips (Go Baby Go)
Indigo Girls | The Girl with the Weight of the World in Her Hands
Cilla Black | Alfie
Crowded House | Black and White Boy
Nirvana | Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle
Of Montreal | Katie and Caroline
Sheryl Crow | Sweet Rosalyn
The Smiths | Sheila Take a Bow
The Beatles | Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds
The Beatles | Bungalow Bill

songs discarded for ultimately being about the singer
Fleetwood Mac | Gold Dust Woman
Britney Spears | Lucky (you know: she cry cry cries in her bed at night)
most Smiths songs

songs ostensibly about men but actually about awesome music
Stevie Wonder | Sir Duke
The Replacements | Alex Chilton

songs about girls/guys you may want to get rid of but not because they are possible romantic rivals, but more because they make poor choices in eye makeup or are your soon-to-be-ex's asshole buddy
Blondie | Rip Her to Shreds
Erykah Badu | Tyrone

songs not really about people
Flaming Lips | One More Robot

songs that may be about someone, but no one is really sure
Donna Summer | MacArthur Park